I’m sick and tired. Of everything. Of me being so lazy, constantly tired and annoyed of all the shit that’s happenin around me and most of all that I’m allowing it sinking into myself.
An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.
That’s what I do and so that’s why I have to get out all of my fears, anger and tears.
I’m so angry at my friend. She thinks I’m her best friend but she’s not OH GOD SHE’S NOT. I secretly hate her but I’m a nice person I try to be kind in every situation but I can’t hold it in today. She’s such an annoying person and it makes me cry when I think about it how shitty she makes me feel.
I’m a slow learner at school. Some just need to read through the text and recognize almost everything and I’m the one who has to read it out loud, mark it, write it down and read it again and learn it again the morning before school and we have 6 different one’s every single day. Hey but I’m good at school . I just hate the school system.
No one notices me. I’m not an introvert I’m not extroverted I’m ambiverted and my class “excepts” me: Definition: I just exist or co-exist whatever I’m done with being the one no one talks with just because of my friends. Classmates told me they don’t like me at all because I’m friends with freaks and nerds. Why should I change myself for them? They didn’t want to be my friends in the first place. PS: My classmates rather talk to the nerd than to me. They never talked to me. They think I’m shy and not nice at all and arrogant
Hey if they don’t know you personally don’t take it personal.
It’s annoying when you spent most of the time in school with a person just because you know that person and can talk with her and everyone thinks you’re best friends. She knows nothing about me. She doesn’t know that I’m struggled with going out because I had a mild anxiety. Stayed in the house for almost 2 months in the summer holidays. It’s better now and I appreciate the nature with every single day. She doesn’t know I just lost a good friend yesterday. She doesn’t know that I have this blog or about my obsession with artsy shit. Oh what do we even talk about
if they took back their words i would lose my strength
I don’t want to wait being myself another day. I think very slow I can’t answer an unplanned question after the next second I need a little time to think about it.
You know what I am? Do I care?
I’m really busy with myself. But I may tell you a little more about me. No not the boring facts.
I mean I like to just sit in front of my open window, sipping coconut water or whatever and I’m happy then. I love facts or truth seeker. They’re my heroes, just ordinary heroes, they woke me up, shared knowledge, changed my lifestyle ,but I also learned one thing ,that only I can safe myself. I get very upset about very little things in life. I forgive as quick as my motivation comes. If you would ask me why I just had a loud discussion with my mother I must remember it again. I live in my own world. I like to see things from another perspective .A quick walk outside, an evening with popcorn and good movies, a snowball fight will make me happy. If you think this all sounds sad, I’m a very sarcastic and funny person when I’m with my friends. My thoughts just come and I say it out loud. And it’s funny it’s such a bad humor it’s funny but blaming because it’s the truth it’s like I’m being drunk. I was never ever drunk. I eat healthy just in the beginning just because it’s good for my body and I love my body so so much . I worked hard for it. I fought until my limits and went beyond. I still doo. And after the workout, after the sweat, red tomato face, craving for water, loud and fast beating heart ,lungs craving for air, I smile. I don’t feel lost I don’t feel empty inside anymore since I’m eating fruit and with all the knowledge that the universe is inside you that you can change something that everything can come true if you work for it with knowledge, knowledge doesn’t help you a damn thing if you don’t take action. I have a dream and so many ideas but I have doubts at myself, I’m afraid of failure until the point I doubt at my dream. It’s still there but it just exists like me.
I’m still fighting against something.
I’m still learning something.
Every sad part of me brings advantages.
But I seek too much information and not enough transformation.
I’m sorry and even if I could I can’t safe you, I have to safe myself first and you have to safe yourself too.
so much love
from me to the person who reads this.
+ picture(s) attached are not mine . I would love to include some of mine another time.